Approximately 780 sq feet of pure luxury. Or at least, the type of luxury that you can commodify for a couple of hundred residents in the year 2023.
Brand spanking new, run like a hotel, with enough security to rival a prison.
It is this type of property that I am currently calling home.
Every amenity except for a hot tub. It’s got a state of the art fitness center, a dog wash station for my furry friend, underground parking because the neighborhood it’s in is being gentrified so we must keep our precious automobiles safe. Can’t have our catalytic converters being stolen for a small profit you know. There’s also a pool and grill area where the twenty something’s go and get drunk every weekend since it opened a couple of weeks back. And a pretty cool ‘club room’ that has a sweet pool table and this modern indoor fireplace, or at least – an illusion of a fireplace with a minimalist couch circling it that almost makes it feel like an actual home.
My unit faces east which means I get lovely sunrises along with a view of the Safeway parking lot and the city skyline. There’s also this bright blue light that blinks 24 hours a day atop a portable security thingy majig that announces every once in awhile that it and the hired security are there to provide safety for the shoppers and employees. As though it’s not there to protect the property and to keep the profits flowing for ownership, but I guess we’ll just ignore that part and pretend the security is for us. What a warm blanket, thank you benevolent Safeway – could the warm blanket just be a little quieter please with fewer blinking blue lights?
The refrigerator has a touchscreen larger than a Tesla, where you can also watch Netflix. Along with a camera inside to check the fridge contents from your phone in case you aren’t capable of making a grocery list. I have no intention of setting up any of those features so what it does for me is make this sing-song noise when I walk by the front of it in the morning, and beeps incessantly if you fail to close the ice cube tray properly.
However, it does not filter water.
It’s exactly this type of thing (dichotomy) that will drive a man to insanity if one isn’t careful.
In addition to the built in ones I also brought along a few luxuries of my own. I’m sleeping on a king bed that cost more than my first car, which isn’t saying much, it was a shit car. I’ve got a modern sit/stand desk with enough monitor space to make it look like I’m day trading stocks in here. A couple of iPads and some high quality speakers, and a subscription to allow direct access to the entire world’s music library at the push of a button. Or via voice command on the rare occasion that I get Siri to understand my requests.
I don’t know at this point if these things are small or big luxuries but what I do know is when I first moved out of my house and into a similar apartment complex three years ago – things were not quite like this. I was sleeping on a hundred dollar futon mattress on the floor, and storing my bike in the living room with a pile of clutter while finishing up mountains of paperwork related to the legal torture chamber commonly known as divorce.
At that time I was just grateful that there was no yelling.
Now the list of things I’m grateful for goes on and on.
I have art on the walls that speaks to my soul and makes me feel at home, and on the days it doesn’t do that it makes me smile or laugh.
I have modern creature comforts like sheets that feel both soft and warm, but not too warm, kind of a cool warm. They’ve got bamboo in them, not sure why that’s a selling point but it does feel pretty nice.
I have donated or thrown out much of my past wardrobe and slowly rebuilt a closet of items that fit me and I feel comfortable in for a variety of social outings. Not that I couldn’t afford that when I was married but with the rate we were spending on money on other things that I had mixed feelings about – who could afford to also be comfortable and happy with what they’re wearing?
It is from here, exactly where I’m sitting now – on a reclining couch I was able to purchase with the assistance of a no interest payment plan – that I will get back to living my life.
No more romanticizing about some future corner turned, or a future destination.
Not starting over again and again.
Not trying to outrun my past mistakes or my humble beginnings.
It is from here that I will live my life going forward. Every day.
It is from here that I will wage my quiet rebellion against the world and forge my own path. The one that serves me, and the people around me that I care about. Not the one others want for me and drop at my doorstep, expecting me to execute on their plans and dreams.
I’m not saying I won’t make mistakes, or get rejected, or have a deep bought with depression like I did a couple of weeks ago. No, that’s not what I’m saying at all. My next mistake will probably occur tomorrow, if not then, the day after at the latest.
But it is from the here and now that I will face those things head on. I have the tools to take care of myself better than I ever have before. Without shying away from my own inadequacies or my own flaws, without pretending that I’m more than I am, without trying to be something I’m not.
Nope. That ends here, in this apartment.
Why here?
Because I’m here now, and that’s all I can be really.
—
For the first time in awhile I can say that I’m honestly happy with that most days. And more important than happiness, peace has been restored – and with peace comes great possibilities.